Spring at last.

What a dreadful few months this has been. Since before Christmas I have been back to fighting those darn demons again, but with spring on the horizon things are starting to look up a bit better once again. Through out these 3 months I just haven’t had it in me to write my blog, despite so much going on in my life.

The news that I was told in October that I would lose my new job, totally gutted, along with several other colleagues, it was a bolt out of the blue, and as the time is drawing ever so close to the finishing date (sometime during the first 2 to 3 weeks of April) it has become more and more difficult to comprehend what is going to happen job wise in the future. Already the job searching has begun, and last Thursday I had a job interview for what I do see as a perfect job and an added bonus it is very close to home. Just one thing, so many people have been interviewed for the position, I won’t know for a few more days yet but I doubt very much if I will get it, but at least I managed to get an interview and tried my best.

However, one thing is certain now in my mind, this current job I am in was not meant to be after all, and may be it’s for the best I am being made redundant. I wonder if anyone remembers the old saying, although we can’t see it at the time, things happen for a reason. I believe in this case it to be completely true. But it has given me several more months of very valid experience and knowledge in another specialized industry.

It was the first Christmas and New Year without my dad, and somehow we got through it, although it was very sad and strange not to see him Christmas morning, and then round the dinner table with my brother, sister-in-law and my nephews. It is also very strange to realize that next month, on my birthday, it will be the first anniversary of dads passing. I can’t believe where this past year has gone, it just does not seem real without him around.

The dark mornings and evenings with the dismal weekends throughout the winter months, travelling too and from work have taken its toll on my physical and mental well-being. In January I ended up with a virus that knocked me off my feet for a few days and then a severe bout of laryngitis in February. On top of all this I found out my diabetes has got worse and I am now on daily medication for this as well as new medication for a couple of other problems associated with the diabetes. Not really the best start to the year.

My daily routine starts when I get up between 5.45 to 6.00 am each morning and get ready for work to start a journey to work that takes about 1.1/2 hrs plus. This includes two bus journeys as well as waiting around time for connecting to the 2nd bus services and then a 15 to 20 mins walk down what has to be one of the dirtiest, and most dangerous roads in Birmingham which is a route to a major freight company in an industrial area. On the good side they say a brisk 20 min walk is good for you every day.  The road and footpaths are littered with rubbish that has been deliberately dumped, including large truck tyres, as well as the rubbish thrown out of the windows of speeding cars. The footpaths are blocked by trailer lorries which one has to walk into the road into oncoming, and sometimes speeding traffic in order to get around these parked vehicles. Normally I would be able to avoid this long walk and take a short cut, but unfortunately there is major bridge repair work going on which means the short cut is cordoned off until further notice. I’m guessing it will re-open the week after I’ve finished this job!

On arriving at work each day for an 8.30 am start I then have to deal with one particular male colleague who has to be the most arrogant, big-headed, loud mouthed and disrespectful person I have ever had the misfortune to meet in my entire working career. This has lowered my mood considerably over the past few months, but now I won’t have to work with him much longer which is a huge sigh of relief.  The rest of the team I work with are a fantastic bunch, and it is down to them that I have managed to survive and get through each day in this job, and the fact I have been able to learn so much about the concrete industry. Then, on finishing work between 5.30 to 6.00 pm I have to repeat the same journey back home, this time through a crowded city centre and finally manage to get home around 7.00 to 7.15 pm. feeling exhausted, but not able to get ready and go to bed because of having to have a light meal in order to have my evening medication and allowing the meal to digest before I can go to bed. If only life was so much more simpler.

This is a very long day with travelling and working in any ones book, and to do it through the winter months and through the dark mornings and nights has taken its toll on my health. Thankfully the past couple of weeks has been a big improvement, lighter in the morning when I leave home and of an evening when I leave work, which has made it more bearable and also a few warm mornings with some bright sunshine and blue skies.

The Saturday mornings I have had to work, which is one in every third Saturday, have usually been the better Saturdays regarding the weather, but because of having to be up at 5.00 am to be in work for 7.00 am by the time I finish around 10.30/11.00 am I am too exhausted to do anything, including going out with my camera. On my free Saturdays the weather has been dismal and so this has kept me indoors.

With all this going on I can understand why so many British love to go to warmer, sunnier climates during our winter months.

The last couple of Saturdays I did finally manage to get out and about with my camera, a trip to my nearest local zoo in Dudley and then last week-end to the Birmingham Nature Centre. Just pushing and willing myself to get out on both those days has helped me to start fighting back those demons. There is something about being around animals that does help to lift ones spirits. It means that with the better weather comes the chance to get out and about more, go on walks which in turn should help the diabetes and my blood pressure. I even have a couple of day trips planned. I also want to find time to relax and do some fishing in the summer months. I always used to find sitting on a river bank watching the fish rising to the surface and splashing, hearing the birds singing and the water rats and voles diving in and out, always made me smile and even gives me inspiration. In all honesty I think they all look forward to the spring as much as we humans do.

I probably say this every year, but I do love spring. It’s a new beginning, a fresh start, a colourful time of year, to see the carpets of  daffodils and crocuses rising from the ground, it warms the heart, and also allows our souls to breathe again. I realise I have a few  busy and uncertain months ahead of me, the stress of job searching, then starting a new job, working with new people, adapting to a different environment all over again, improving my diabetes, but I also intend to give myself some me time whilst out exploring with my camera, this is something I haven’t done properly for a few months.

 

Approaching Spring

Spring soon will be here
Away from the winter’s snow
Drying up every frosty tear
And causing the landscape to glow

But the shine of spring I need right now
I need all the help I can get
To wave goodbye to this past winter
In hopes that I can forget

I’ve lost all my real friends
And almost ever other friendship too
Right now I am just amazed
That I haven’t yet lost you

The approaching spring will hit restart
It’s something that we all need
The approaching spring will fix our hearts
And allow our souls to breathe

by Matt Burgett

 

Many thanks for stopping by.

 

 

 

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Happy 1st Birthday Day By Day.

Yes indeed its one year ago since I logged myself on to wordpress.com and created my very own blog……..and what a year this has been! But what is more important is that after this past year on a roller coaster ride, that 1 year on I am still here and still blogging and still able to share  the ups as well as the downs with my steadily increasing followers and readers.

Am I a survivor or am I a fighter? I don’t know, but I will let you work that one out for yourselves!  May be a littler bit of both in there somewhere?

Initially I suppose really I started Day By Day as a way of communicating with other people who like myself have suffered depression and anxiety who recognise some if not all the pitfalls of this illness,  and I wanted to show how you can turn your life around and start to enjoy it again, but I also wanted  the  opportunity to reach out to others who have total misconceptions about depression. I do hope in some small way I have managed to do just that and make them realise that we are not weak people, but in actual fact we are normal people who suffer an illness that turns your life upside down and can have devastating consequences.

The  last 2 years  have been a major roller coaster ride for me.   At the start of this year my life took another dramatic turn in a backward direction but throughout the year I have gradually come to terms with my illness through regular medication, the help of my GP and a Counsellor,  C B T , and a very small group of friends who themselves have an understanding of this illness, and by also having  the chance to do things and believe in myself again. I’m not going to kid myself or any of my readers and say that I have done it all on my own.  The increased level of medication has played a major part in getting myself back on a more even keel these past few months as has having a small band of true friends and family members who understand  what has been happening to me over these past few years.

The summer of 2011 was  a turning point in my life, someone who I  unfortunately no longer   have contact with made me see and understand that I shouldn’t  be ashamed of myself for suffering a ‘mental illness’ she made me realise that there is a way back.  and for that I will always be grateful to her.  And I believe this year I have made enough progress to help others see that there is hope at the end of the tunnel. The first step is to admit to yourself there is a problem, and you need and want help and to seek  the right medical help from you own GP or as a first step  seek the advice  of The Samaritans. No one has ever said it was going to be easy, but it is the first step in the right direction and with the right help put in to place, you can turn your life around for the better again. It takes time, but it is not impossible.

As my mind has become more opened up again, I have been able to do a lot more than I  believed I ever possibly could again. This year I had my first holiday in almost 12 years. I have picked up my camera and started my passion of photography again,  it has given me the confidence to join a camera club on  Facebook  and  showcase some of my work (Facebook Camera Club International)  In addition to this I have been able to  created my own art and craft work page  on FB which I share with other  friends who also suffer depression, but have incredible  artistic  talent, we share ideas, comments and inspiration.  Yes I still have other  health issues on a physical level that I will have to battle with, and yes I will be losing my job next Spring, but what I can’t  do is to believe that this is everything in  my life  that counts. Over these past few months my camera has played a very big  part in my recovery, it has encouraged me to get out and about and visit different  places, it has helped me regain some of my lost confidence which I honestly believed I would never get back, it has given me the opportunity to move around crowded areas as well as spend some time on my own in peaceful and  idyllic surroundings, and it has helped me to appreciate some of the simple things in life that are available to us all. It has also given me the chance to create some  memories to look back on in the future and remind myself that should I ever find myself going under again that these were better times…….and  that they can  and will happen again. I’ve  made  time to stop and smell the flowers!

I sincerely hope that  I can continue to  interest my fellow bloggers and followers, but I also, more importantly want to show you and others there is most certainly a way forward.

 

Thanks for stopping by.