It seems that my faith and hope is finally paying off. Still along way to go, but I am getting there. And I am realizing more than ever than certain things really do happen for a reason even though we cannot see or understand it at the time, and somehow I wonder if they happen to make us stronger than before.
This afternoon whilst resting up at home I wanted to find a poem to explain how I have felt today.
This time of year is not a good time for many of us, more so for those of us who suffer depression. The weather has been awful, which in itself contributes to how worse one can feel. Over the past 2 years I have had more than my fair share of set backs, and especially so these past 2 months.
There has been a lot of trauma going on with my family, as well as my own health problems. In November I was twice rushed into hospital, a week apart, the second time was for emergency surgery. The week before however, was just as frightening, heavy bleeding from the bowel was in itself terrifying, not knowing the cause was even worse. Since that point in time I have been waiting to have a Sigmoidoscopy procedure carried out to determine whether or not something sinister was going on. Later on that same week my temporary contract of employment came to an end, but there were a couple of really good opportunities for me in the jobs field, both of which I passed the first stage interview. However, because of the problem of having the surgery and being laid up for a month I had to pull out of the running for both of these jobs, and in actual fact was not well enough to look for new job as I could not commit myself to travelling to an interview, let alone committing myself to a start date had I been fortunate to have been offered one of the jobs.
Since mid December however, despite the holiday season, I have been looking at and applying for numerous jobs mostly on the internet, through recruitment agencies. The disappointment has yet again been bitter. It’s only my opinion, but I do feel that the government need to do something to look at the way jobs are advertised through agencies and how companies in fact recruit for some of these jobs via these agencies. Many have ‘misleading information’ in many cases the wages are of minimum national average, but the work levels required is so high. It is no wonder that people will refuse to apply for many of these jobs, simply because the money on offer will not pays all the necessary bills.
A perfect example last week, I applied via an online agency, was redirected to the actual company website, I duly completed their online application form and submitted it. Now, I do need to point out that this particular job I applied for was exactly, and I do mean exactly what I had been doing for over a year. It was in effect a position where one had to learn and gain specialized knowledge of watch parts, and the protocols of servicing and knowledge of suppliers, and I have to point out that not too many people have that knowledge or experience, so I can say with all honesty I came up to spec. When I read the job description I was able to tick all the boxes. Less than 2 hours later I received an email saying that…….
”After careful consideration we regret to inform you that we will not be progressing your application further on this occasion. The standards of applications were particularly high on this occasion and we have found candidates who more closely match the requirements for the role.”
Ummm, it makes one wonder and I had to laugh to myself, and then ask the question about which candidates who more closely match the requirements……what could be more closely matched than someone who had actually done that exact job? My only thought was that, someone from within that same company had ‘already got the job’ and as usual the protocol is that any job vacancy still has to be advertised by law, and so this particular company went through the rig morale of doing that, even though no one from outside ever stood a chance.
All that aside, the start to the New Year has not been a good one on the job front….yet, and I really do need to get back in the saddle asap.
However, today I did receive some very good news on the health front. A huge sigh of relief. Only known to just a very small handful of family and very close friends, the past two months I have lived with the worry and the indications that I may have bowel cancer. I was supposed to have had the Sigmoidoscopy procedure in November within two weeks of being discharged from hospital after my first emergency, this was all arranged by the consultant during the week that followed my first emergency admittance into hospital on 2nd Nov, but my second admittance into hospital and the surgery as well as the recovery time from the surgery delayed all this. Today however the procedure was carried out and I have been given the all clear 🙂
I have to admit, being laid up at home for a month and only being able to go down to my doctor’s surgery for that time meant that I was not able to get out with my camera. That changed last week and in between job searching and worrying I did get out twice with my camera. (watch this space!) despite all these set backs, things are starting to look up again, faith and hope are replacing worry and anxiety, and that is why I feel this poem is so fitting and appropriate.
On the ground sits a bird
that’s too afraid to fly.
Beautiful wings could make it soar,
but the pain of past failure is it’s lonesome cry.
God has said unto this bird,
“Trust and have faith in me,
for I will carry you in your flight.
The miracle of life is waiting for you to see.”
The bird said to God, “But I can’t fly.
I am weak. I will fall and feel pain
It’s happened before when I tried to fly.
I’m afraid of being hurt again.”
His voice soft and reassuring, God said to the bird,
I created you, and I will protect you.
Your lonesome cry I have heard.
Have faith in me. That’s all you need to do.
So, stand up, bird, and spread your wings.
The wings I lovingly created to let you fly.
If you fall I’ll pick you up,
and lift you back into the sky.”
With trembling legs and unsure wings
the bird finally looked to the sky.
It took a deep breath, and took the chance.
The bird began to fly.
“Thank you, God, for believing in me.
Thank you for giving me wings.
Thank you for your protecting hands.
Your glory I will now sing.”
God smiled unto the bird
in its majestic flight.
“Little bird, I’ll always be with you,
and will protect you with all my might.
You may stumble. You may fall.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t care.
I will watch over you, in case you need help,
and then I’ll be right there.”
The little bird, once so scared,
learned to soar to new heights.
The occasional fall no longer scared the bird,
choosing to have faith in Gods flight.
(by: Heather L Flood)
Many thanks for stopping by.