Up and down.

What a strange emotional week this has been for me.

Earlier in the week I was able to share some wonderful memories with my readers about my Mom who I lost to cancer 12 years ago. Being able to remember certain positive aspects of her life has helped in some way to deal with her anniversary these last few days.

Over the last couple of  evenings I have been gradually catching up with the blogs I subscribe to via email. In fact I’ve been catching up with the last 3 or 4 weeks worth. I don’t normally leave them that long but with one thing or another time has been short and the fact my laptop crashed on me the other week, I have been spending my spare time of an evening getting my new laptop set up and in running order and making sure all my photographs  are safe. But I was saddened to read that an old friend who writes her own blog has being going through a very tough time recently, health wise both physically and mentally.  And so I want to sincerely  wish Caroline  a  full recovery on both levels. And I know that once you are back on track Caroline, that you will succeed, you have proved it can be done, and I do believe you can and you will do it again, once you have learnt to live within your own expectations and not expect too much from yourself. So if your reading this Caroline…Get well soon.

But catching up reading her posts from these last few weeks has bought it home to me just how vulnerable that those of us who do suffer depression really are. I have a great deal of respect for this lady who over the last couple of years or so she has been doing a lot to try to help eradicate some of the stigma that is still attached to depression especially so in the workplace. She taught me a very valuable lesson back in 2011 and that was about being open with others about your depression, because only then by  being open about it helps you to deal with it and duly give you the energy to get on with the rest of  your life. Hiding your depression is very draining and debilitating mentally and physically not only on the body but also on the soul. And we still have a lot of work to do out there to make people  more  aware of what depression is really about, and for them to have some understanding of how this illness affects peoples lives.

I was at an appointment with my GP in March discussing my reduction in my own anti-depressant, ( as I touched on briefly in my blog of 13 March….Sweet smell of success) and although back then my initial reaction was that everything was going really well and it looked like my life is finally heading in the right direction  I wanted to discuss with my GP about reducing my dosage of 40 mg Fluoxetine per day to 20 mg per day for a few months before finally gradually reducing the 20 mg per day down to nothing,  she did make me come to realise that I was back then on a ‘high’. Yes I had found and started my new job and it felt really good, I had a holiday in April that I was looking forward to with considerable zest, but she pointed out to me very wisely that it was more likely I was going through a ‘honeymoon period’ so I should give it a little more time before starting the process of reducing the meds. It did of course make a lot of sense. So just for the time being I will have to maintain my safety barrier, and remain very cautiously optimistic.. But as is the goal of any one who suffers depression, we want to be free of our meds to live a normal life….and it can be done.

In addition to this,  today I had a day’s holiday from work.  It’s been a very sad day in so much that I visited my old work place to bid a final farewell to my old friends and work colleagues. Some of us will of course be remaining in touch, and no doubt soon we will be meeting up and  talking over the old day’s at D&A before all the changes that started taking place a little over three years ago, which lead us all to being made redundant. During the time I was there until Christmas last year, I had made a lot of friends over the years, and in a sense it was my second family and second home. We had all devoted so many years of our lives  to the old company. It was sad today to walk into the old warehouse that was until just a week ago was stacked high with pallets of stock on racking from floor to ceiling, and was such a busy hive of activity every day. Seeing it today desolate of people and all the stock, and the racking all taken down brought home to me the reality of what the last three years was leading up to. There are just a few people left now to tidy up any loose ends, before over the next three weeks the  huge warehouse  will become an empty shell  for the first time since before it opened 25 years ago, and the last handful of staff will be gone. It truly is  the end of an era. And for those old friends and colleagues today and some of you who are  also my  fb, friends I want to wish you all every success and happiness  for your futures, whether moving on to pastures new or retiring,  we have all been through the good as well as the bad times together, and the last three years have been extremely tough for us all, but we have survived. We are all in our own way’ might oaks’.

The Mighty Oak

Stand tall oh mighty oak, for all the world to see,
your strength and undying beauty forever amazes me.
Though storm clouds hover above you,
your branches span the sky,
in search of the radiant sunlight you
count on to survive.
When the winds are high and restless and
you lose a limb or two,
it only makes you stronger, we
could learn so much from you.
Though generations have come and gone
and brought about such change,
quietly you’ve watched them all yet still
remained the same.
I only pray God give to me the strength he’s
given you,
to face each day with hope, whether
skies are black or blue,
Life on earth is truly a gift
every moment we must treasure,
it’s the simple things we take for granted
that become our ultimate pleasures.

Kathy J Parenteau

Many thanks for stopping by.

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