We all have to make decisions at some point in our lives……that’s just the way it is. On occasions they are made for us because of circumstances that arise, and basically we can not always be in control of some life changing decisions.
These past couple of months have been a bit of a traumatic time for me both physically and emotionally……..as it turns out they go hand in hand. In recent weeks I have had to make a very big life changing decision, and have come to terms with the realisation that I must do what I believe really is the best for me.
The main reason I have not been posting for some time now is because of having to try to keep a clear head, and do a lot of thinking, as well as continuing to carry on with my routine of going to work, which hasn’t been easy due to health problems on a physical level and being on strong painkillers 24/7 attending physiotherapy and hydrotherapy sessions on a weekly basis. Whilst the injection I had in my knee a few months ago worked really well, it was unfortunately short-lived and the pain came back with a vengeance. I won’t bore any of you with the details, but suffice to say it has been affecting my mobility severely for the past 6 or so weeks.
Those of you who have read my posts regularly will know that for over 18 months now I have had the threat of compulsory redundancy over me. It’s never been a question of if it happens, but more as to when it will happen. These are decisions made by others and are out of our own hands. The time zone of when it would be happening has been extended on several occasions, it meant a lot of plans in my life have had to be been put on hold. However in this instance, something that happened to me at work recently on a personal level as well as the mobility problem forced me to put things into true perspective and has greatly influenced me to finally make a decision which the more I think about it the more I feel is the right decision for me personally.
My loyalty to my employers has been such that it was my intention to stay until the bitter end, which would have been up until the middle of 2013. For me it meant the continuance of routine, independence, a regular income, and the chance to continue working with my friends and colleagues some of who have known for just on 21 yrs this very month. Overall it meant some ‘normality’ whilst living on this knife-edge, not knowing from one day to the next when some one would come and tap me on the shoulder and say, I’m sorry but it’s your turn next….we no longer require you and your redundancy is effective forth with.
Well, as of today that decision has been taken out of someone else’s hands and is now in my own hands…..therefore I now control my own destiny. I recently put in my request for my redundancy on early release and this has been granted. Today I walked away from my work place, my head held high, for the last time after a very emotional farewell with my work friends and colleagues, most of who only found out this morning this was my last day…….because that was the way I wanted it and planned it, (my coping mechanism!!) Only six people have known in the past few days of my decision to take early release, and that it was actually going to happen for me. However, some of us will continue to stay in touch.
My intention now is to take two or three months off, get myself feeling fit and well again before starting a new job. It won’t stop me from looking for work, because the right job might just pop up when I least expect it. This will give me the time I hope to think about what it is I actually want to do, prepare myself and also to give myself the proper time I need to heal physically and emotionally……and without worrying about paying the bills but also give myself to real ‘me time’ to pursue my love of photography and art/craft and spend some time with my friends, and take a much awaited and well-earned holiday to Scotland in the early Spring.
I feel as though today a huge weight has been lifted from off my shoulders, a burden that has been weighing me down for a long time now, and one which has been affecting my depression and anxiety.
It’s now time to start a new chapter in my life……for better or for worse!!