A question I was asked a couple of days ago, has got me thinking.
Question. How do you express your anger or frustration?
Answer. I don’t know really, I feel it, but don’t express it outwardly.
So ok….we all feel a sense of anger and frustration at times and as a result we lose our temper, some will swear very liberally, others will slam doors or go and kick or thump a wall, I’ve even known people to start shouting off at others making threats and use verbal abuse and some use physical violence to hurt others…. just as a sense of release.Then there are those of us I suppose who either turn away and try to ignore it….we try to tolerate whatever it is that has made us feel that sense of anger, and we ‘bottle it up’. But then of course all this builds up inside us and affects our emotions, and our general well-being.
As a youngster I used to slam doors and stomp off, got it out of my system and calmed down….. however as I got older and grew out of these childish actions, I suppose I wasn’t able to find any form of release and I have become one of those who bottles it all up, and over a period of time I have paid the price.
A lot of this is making sense to me now, amongst other things, recent events at work meant that some colleagues made threats of going to the national papers and making headline stories, in order to get their views across, and ensure the blame was put on someone. On the other hand, I expressed my anger by holding it in. That’s not to say I didn’t feel as angry as the next person, I just didn’t show it outwardly.
In the last couple of months several things happening in my life has brought me to close to the edge of a breakdown again. My GP has had to double my medication in order to help me cope. My own strategy for coping was to throw myself in to my work. I have been struggling with several different uncertainties in my life, questions that I can’t find any answers for, including all the usual life changing questions. Why me, what have I done to deserve this happening to me? Will things get better for me or will it always be like this? My Counsellor believes that one of my problems is that I don’t express these emotions of anger or frustration, because I don’t know how to. I have a tendency to hold it in and as it builds up inside of me so I blame myself for everything going wrong in my life. In away I suppose that is my release, first bottle it up and then to blame myself even though it may not be my fault. And I can but wonder how many more of us do that? And I also wonder how does one express their emotions of anger and frustration…..without verbal or physical abuse to others? But more importantly how can or does one express these emotions of anger and frustration and prevent letting it build up inside just to end up blaming and hurting yourself?
If any one does have the answer…… then please feel free to share with me!