Sometimes I have to stop and take stock of all that is going on in my life, and to try hard and get my head straight, especially when there are several negative things going on all at once. Although these past few weeks haven’t been that good for me, this week has just been one of those really low and really crappy weeks, especially so on the work front, and despite every effort to get myself back on top, it’s proving so extremely difficult to get myself back up there, and keep myself there and to find the motivation to do anything but work, sleep, eat and drink and remember to take my meds.
Despite my previous determination to succeed at the project I have been given to do over the next few weeks, at various points throughout this week I just feel like turning around and saying stuff it, I can’t be bothered any more. Company and office politics have a lot to answer for! But I set out with the intention to complete this project, and I have always tried to be professional about my attitude and approach to my work.
Although I am unable to go into full details regarding the circumstances of what is happening to us, we have all this week been delivered another bitter blow, which has sent tempers up high, and morale extremely low yet again. The bottom line is despite our efforts to help establish a great partnership between two companies for their futures, of which we are not going to be part of, it seems it’s ok that we are treated like second-rate citizens in the lead up to that. And even after a meeting today, we still don’t have any answers to our questions on short term plans. We were also told yesterday that there will be a ‘ DC announcement’ on Monday with the intention of presumably establishing what will be happening to the futures of the rest of my colleagues, who were not TUPE’d over last year.
On a more personal front, an old health problem has resurfaced in addition to an existing one, disappointment about a much needed holiday not happening and just generally not being able to give myself any me time.
It seems the further along I have come the more hurdles I have to try to overcome to get anywhere without actually succeeding. Everytime there is some light at the end of the tunnel, it goes out again. At the moment it’s 2.20am Friday morning, I’m unable to relax or sleep and there are a hundred things going in my head, but nothing actually getting resolved. May be next week will have the answers, and then again…. may be not.
May be it’s time to go for another early morning walk. One step forward, ten steps backwards!