Just where does one start?
Its always difficult facing a new project, and starting my own blog is no exception.
The reasons behind all this is simple. For over ten years I have ‘privately’ battled with the illness of depression. I say privately, because until recently, I had never had contact with any one else who suffered the same illness. This was mainly down to the fact I chose not to share ‘my own weakness’.
By a simple momentary chance just a mere five months ago I was given the name of someone by a relative of mine,( who is one of the very few people who is aware of my depression) and she gave me the contact details of a friend and colleague of hers. I never thought for one single moment Caroline would become such a close friend and confidante.
I ask myself why this is so. Because I believe it was meant to be. But rather than this illness present itself with negative thoughts of what is meant to be…….it presented me with positive thoughts.
For many years I have been unfortunate to suffer a lot of health problems on a physical level, this in turn made my life extremely difficult to deal with. Many deaths in my family, money worries and health problems over a period of time does take it’s toll. And whilst I thought I was strong and was dealing with all my problems, the rot was setting in, but by the time I realised this I had sunken to such a low depth of despair that it has taken every ounce of energy in my body and mind to claw my way back up. And now with the help of a wonderfully supportive GP, and understanding friends I want to stay on top. But thats the problem with this illness….you have little control over it, it controls you with mood swings, good and bad days, feelings of insecurity, lack of self esteem and confidence…..and the list goes on.
As I said earlier, I kept my depression secret, and like many others who suffer this awful illness I suffered in silence. The only other people who were fully aware of my illness was my GP, a couple of work colleague/friends and two very close friends.
I chose to keep it quiet mainly because I felt ashamed of myself for not being strong mentally. For not being able to cope with the mass build up of pressures of daily life. And most importantly I felt there was no one who I could talk to or with who would understand how I felt.
Living in the shadow of depression and anxiety and other associated mental health problems is a day by day battle to live, and for that reason I have decided to call my blog ‘Day by Day’.
My life is not total doom and gloom, and over the past year I have begun to understand that with the help of friends who know about and understand this illness as sufferers themselves that I can lead a normal, productive and fulfilling life.
I have a tough time ahead of me. Other health issues haunt me, as well as the fact that next year I will be losing my job after 2o yrs of loyal and dedicated service to the same company. To change ones job after that length of time in itself is difficult for any strong minded individual, but for any one who suffers from depression it is even more difficult. So I know big changes lie ahead of me as do big challenges. My thought at the moment is to face those challenges as best as I possibly can……now however I have the aid of a very dear friend who already has made me challenged my own negative thinking, and who inspires me greatly in seeking out my hidden talents. And in addition to this I have also met a small group of friends with whom we share our support and understanding for one another and help each other through the good and the bad days.
I very much hope with this blog it will give followers an insight in to what one individuals life is like living in the shadow of a mental illness.